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Date: 2009-06-29, 3:27PM CDT

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I tried to be a part time hipster, but it hasn’t worked out. I so wanted to cruise through Hillsboro Village palping a wool cap and a Che Guevara Tshirt. I’ve tried to come slay the last few Critical Mass rides, but my kids always have soccer or want to go see Transformers or something. Skinny leg jeans don’t fit me right. I’m too old. I’m can’t learn how to do a tail whip or a hockey stop because I’m afraid I’ll get hurt and ruin my triathlon season. I like Band of Horses, but it seems that it’s just not enough. So, reality has overshadowed irony and nostalgia, and I have decided with a heavy heart to sell my fixie.

It’s an awesome bike. The frame is a 1984 Schwinn World Sport, a collabo between US frame designers and Taiwanese frame builders, that is dressed in a gray metal flake colourway with oh so retro pink-and-white lettering. The paint is in surprisingly good condition, considering it’s older than the target market for this listing. The bike sits on a new set of Sun Ringle deep-v rims in black with black spokes and hubs. The hubs roll like butter down a hot corn cob and the rear is a flip flop with a 17t fixed gear and an 18t freewhell already installed. The freewheel has never been used. I may not be hipster, but nobody’s calling me a poseur. The rubber on this bike is from Soma and has plenty of wear left, with absolutely no flat spots from skid stopping. You’ll be turning a 46t Sugino Messenger crank onthis baby, so bring your A game if you planning on crossing the bridge and rolling through the East Nashville hills. There’s a new tektro brake installed on the front wheel with a crosstop BMX lever on the bullhorns, but don’t worry, it’s easily removable. There’s also a set of drop bars and a new adjustable stem included in the sale for those who prefer a more tracky look. I’ve also go a new seatpost and a Ritchey pro headset pressed in. The saddle is a classic Schwinn stinger in candy apple red. I realize that pink and red is generally considered to be a faux pas, but I’m counting on potential buyers for the bike sharing my contempt for the Tsars of fashion.

The color scheme on this ride is guaranteed to instantly boost your street cred. I picked up on the pink in the bikes’ native lettering, and as such, the bike has been finished with pink bar tape, pink toe cages, a pink chain and a pink bottle cage. The bottle cage is capable of holding both tallboys and 40s of malt liquor, or standard water bottles in case you prefer to rub the V and T on your Saturday cruise.

Because the bike is sized for riders 5′3″ to 5′9″ and pink, it’s totally chick friendly. It will be a perfect pussy magnet for any hipster dude, at once displaying your sensitivity and your security in heterosexuality. For girls….hey, it’s pink. I’m sure you have a pair of light green Rocket Dogs laying around. Perfect! This bike will make a perfect gift for your GF or hipster fiancee. Plus, at my price you’ll have plenty of extra cash to have tribal bands tattooed on your wedding fingers. That, or you can cruise down to Planned Parenthood and split the bill for the abortion. Whatever, I’m not judging anyone, just trying to sell a bike.

Listen guys, if you’re long on green and low on hipster rep, come buy this bike. Hurry up before I change my mind and quit shaving.